"

I'm in charge of my life

No matter what life throws at you,
No matter who hurt your heart.
Life is worth the effort
If you'll only give a good start

Pain has been in my life for sure
Ones I thought should have loved me
Delivered the worst of sorrow and scars
But my strengths have set me free

He can not hurt me anymore
It has nothing to do with age
I've put it all in it's proper place
Now my life is my own stage

Smiles form inside and out
And yes, sadness is there too
But now I know just where I stand
And it isn't because of just you

I have taken charge of things
My head is not in the past
Determinations and faith are my rocks
And no past will interfer at last.

Swan

Wrinkles

You know there are days when life seems so special. Like your blessings are brought to the forefront of your daily thoughts. It feels a little like I'm starting over in some regards, with my classes, and going to school. But then I think what a blessing it is to have this wonderful opportunity to learn and grow. It doesn't matter that I'm the oldest one in the classroom. :) That's okay! And in many ways it will help me to grow even more. I have already found several opportunities to help others that are there for the first time. It's a wonderful feeling to have maturity. Well at least in mind and numbers. ha ha!
But really, I have had so many lessons and received so many gifts in life. Wrinkles are signs of the lessons in life. Wrinkles are worth the time it takes to get them. Oh, I know....you may think no one really wants those! But I really don't mind. You see, each line etched into my face is a part of an experience. A piece of life that I may have had to work hard for, or maybe life threw it at me when I wasn't looking. Or it may be that fit of laughter when the children are playing "build a tent" in the living room and it all falls in when the cat jumps on top and the kids just start giggling and now no one can stop. Or maybe a tear lined the cheek as the joy of seeing my daughter held up for me to see at the moment of her birth. Or the ones I got when I cried for the loss of my Mother and Husband. Or the ones I got the day I watched my son baptize his little sister. You see, lines form and cross over and over as the experiences continue. We grow, we learn, we teach, and every day, we appreciate the gifts of life, the Wrinkles, that God gives us. I want as many lines as I can hold, because I want to experience all the love, all the joy, all the rough roads and even the trials. Because each stop along the road is an opportunity to etch one more line, or two. One more blessing the Lord has allowed me to experience. Life is giving and we need to give back to God, every chance we get, with gratitude for the Wrinkles we accumulate daily.

Sweet Goodbye

Sweet is the touch of the rain as it falls,
Soft is the kiss of the dew.
Breath in the fresh and softest breeze,
Listen to the Whippoorwill's coo.

 Skys filling my view with color,
Clouds sweeping by on a whim.
Take it all in while you can,
In evening it all becomes dim.

 The moonlit surf glows in the night,
The sea feels the tender sigh.
It's all adrift deep in your heart,
And then say a sweet goodbye.

 Swan

Time to Move On

Life is sweeter without the pain


Reaching back each day for you


Moving on this heart must sustain


Hoping for words far over due




Alone in the dark and quiet night


Silence fills my heart


No one but you could fill the space


A word of love it would restart




Unspoken words tear at me


I cannot continue this way


Until there is nothing left


And I die a little more each day




Time to Move On


See things in a different light


Make the most of who I am


Move on without you in my life




I have more love than you could imagine


Stored up within my heart


It was all there for you to have


Abundantly I would impart




Distancing yourself as you so easily do


and caring so little of me


Though your words at first were endearing


Twas all lost for I was across the sea




So it is time for me to move on


I am taking up a new stand


I refuse to be hurt again


Time to see where this heart lands






Swan

Just thinking

New thoughts come each day. Curiosities and puzzlement's. Like trying to figure out the thought processes of others. What makes a person dishonest, cruel, un-caring, disrespectful, deceitful. All the negativity boggles my brain. Why can't people love and care and be honest and thoughtful? It is something in our genes? Is it something one is taught? Do we learn from others and say," Gee I want to be just like him/her."  Is there some sort of perverse joy in causing pain or sadness to another? What's wrong, are we all just meant to be this way? 
Am I the odd one out? You see, I dislike pain, suffering, sadness, dishonesty, cruelty, meanness, and in my eyes, the only way to be is just the opposite of all these things. Here's the rub,,,,I want to be treated the same as I treat others!!! Wow, what a concept!! I don't do nice to get nice, I do nice because it is right and feels good and makes others feel good. I want to trust and be trusted.
Really!! it just isn't that easy is it?  Time is passing so quickly and I'm just getting really tired of all the lies and everything else.

With my eyes open....now I can see

Once relealizing reality about yourself, you can be open to help others. It gives a new and better outlook...set aside the worries of this life and look for the things that will help you to get to the next in good graces with God. There in you will find peace in this one.

My Heart Hurts

My heart hurts for you

when you leave me all alone

My heart hurts inside

denying me what I've known

It cuts so deep into me

what am I supposed to do

with all this love I have inside

that is all meant for you

My heart hurts so much

You promised we were one

I didn't see this coming

Now all I feel is numb

Your absence stabs my heart

in ways I never could conceive

Empty now I stand alone

Just a shell you did deceive

swan

Lonely as the Wind

I lie here in the dark, 

wind blowing softly across my skin

somewhere in the trees

sounds the whisper of a lark

Melancholy is my mood

alone in the night

longing for the gentle touch

to make everything alright

Empty place beside me

pillow plump and white

missing someone special

to cling to in the night

Lonely winds blowing

curtains billow in the breeze

Dreams are only fleeting

in twilight they do tease

bg

I just can't do this anymore

You know, I'm just getting tired of being on the receiving end of someone else's dependencies. There has to be someone for everyone and maybe I used up my shot in this life. I am a soul that needs to be a part of something special, something loving and warm. Something permanent, deep and un-dying. Is it so wrong to feel that way? It's who I am more than what I need.


I've had some rough times in my life as have so many others. So I don't think I am unique to the "rough life" syndrome. But we all lift ourselves up and brush ourselves off and move on. Hopefully learning from each experience and making things better for ourselves because of them.

I don't want to be the "poor thing" that people say, "Oh, she's had a rough life and look at her. She deserves to be happy." We all deserve happiness if we work at life and are willing to be giving and loving to others. But it doesn't always work that way. Sometimes life just keeps kicking. So what? Are we just supposed to keep taking it and say, "It's not what's in this life that matters, we need to plan for the next life." I'm sorry but, BULL! Yes that's a good plan but that doesn't mean we give up on this one.

Yes I want to be the wonderful, forgiving soul that can keep taking the kicks and keep on going. But I’m not the Energizer Bunny. I am a human being with feelings and emotions and needs. I hurt just like the next guy and I cry over things that offend me, or hurt my heart. I need to laugh and be happy and enjoy life. I want to be loved and cared for and be that someone special in that other someone special's life. I want to take care of and love and support my partner. I want to be taken care of and feel the un-yielding love. Yes, I want the "Happily Ever After"! And why not? Is it so bad to want to be happy in this life too?

I have not had the parents in my life to teach me right from wrong or what great choices to make. But here I am, making good choices and learning from the gaps in the past by being better than I was treated. I've tried to be forgiving and understanding and always think the very best of others. To this, in return, I get loneliness.

It's not a lack of friends, although they are few, but great ones. It's that empty space in my heart. The human need to be held and loved. To have someone to care for and do for and belong to. A best friend for life! I want someone to share my thoughts, desires, feelings, opinions, hopes, fears, spirit, needs, Love! The list goes on and on. I have so much to offer and no one to receive. Time passes quicker as we get older but the needs and feelings don't fade. Possibly even grow stronger. Loneliness can lead to an early death. When the heart isn't nurtured and exercised, it dies. Like a flower that receives no rain, no tender care, it dies. And it's all such a waste. So much to give and no one to give it too. So much need and no one to receive it from.

And so, when someone thinks they have found someone special and gives all the wonderful things they have to offer, and for a short time, they receive as well, it is sublime. The tragedy comes when one of the two isn't genuine, isn't honest, isn't willing to be completely giving to their partner. When the actions are all just a dream, it kills the heart of the other. Ripped from the bosom and destroyed. So little time....so much hurt! So then what? Pick up and brush off and keep on going? I think not. I think it is certain death. The heart has only so much it can withstand before it gives up. I have no more to give. I thought I had a rough childhood, but the pain I feel now, surpasses anything I have ever endured. I don't want to do this anymore. I just can't do this anymore!!

The Trial of the Waves

The Trial of the Waves

The Sandy Beaches of our Lives

Like the Grains of Sand upon the Shore

Endless Pieces of each Day

Complicate us Evermore

The Rocks within the Shoreline

Protrude as Beacons Strong

But Slippery are our Steps

When our Path has led us Wrong

The Waves crash in like Trials

Trying to break us down

Maybe lose our Footing

Uncertainty does us Surround

As the Sea subsides

And the Wave Sleeps again

It's like the Spirit Soothes us

Our Troubles are made by Man

Tides recede and the Dawn is New

As the Lord has taken our Hand

Lifting us up to ease our Strife

We see the Sands are Smooth Again

bg

Life's Dream

Dreams drift in and out of life like the winds across the sky
Hoping for a foundation, but we end up asking "why"
We search for things we think we need, and find only things we feel
Wondering if they will come to pass, or if they are ever truly real.


They take their place in the scheme of life, and take hold of heartstrings song
We grab and hold little bits, some drift bitterly along
As we try to find our way in life, we live inside our dreams
With hopes and fear we guild our way, making life a reality stream


Never knowing what we want, only knowing what we need
Hold on to what you feel inside, keep firm your thought and dream
One never knows what awaits you, Letting go we'll only die
Fair up the shutters in the night, let not the darkness sigh


Life is never mearly fated, lest you allow your heart be sealed.
Search out the laughter and the tears, let love be your truest shield
Drown out the useless faded fears, give not up hope of what you see
The dawn brings hope and promise clear of those many things that may be


Brush away all defeat. Dream strong and wild and free.
Embrace the thing you seek the most, Live life's dream and come with me.

Ask the Lord

 The challenge of the day

was nothing much to speak of

It didn't matter much at all

Was there any talk of Love?

Confidence is important

But courage makes the call

When it's all you have to go on

And you're backed against the wall

Make up your mind as to how you feel

There are many choices to explore

You don't need to give it lots of thought

When it's the Lord that you implore

bg

Hold Me as I Hold You

Hold me in your arms

Wisper softly in my ear

Let my heart feel the sound

While my soul sheds a tear

Keep me in your warm embrace

Take away the cares and tears

Stay beside me while I rest

Comfort all my fears

I will hold you in my arms

Softly tell you, you are mine

Give you all you ever need

Share a life devine

Open up the path to you

Let hope and love come in

Be ever mindful of the love

That comes from deep within

My heart and soul I give to you

Nothing will be held back

Abundantly the love doth flow

There is nothing you will lack

Hold me in your loving arms

As I hold you in mine

Truer devotion could not be found

When love like this will bind

bg

For You My Love

Your arms I need around me,

Your Tender Love so True

Your essence fills my being

My life together with you

Warm and gentle is your touch

Each kiss sets me afire

Within your love I'm safe

Life with you is my desire

In my arms you will always be

My kisses just for you

I will care for all your needs

You'll find with me love true

We were lost within a world

We didn't think it so

Then we found each other

Exquisitely matched you know

My heart wrapped in deep devotion

is like a tender dove

All that I could ever be

Is all For You My Love

bg

The Secret Heart - by Claire Helmers

The Secret Heart



I wonder, sometimes, if you know how much I need your love

How much I crave a compliment, how much I want a hug.

I wonder if you share my fear of always falling short

Of thinking I'm the only one with faults and sins and warts.

Do you, like me, put on a face that says your life is swell,

But shake and tremble deep inside that fragile outer shell?

Please don't be fooled by my facade, I've worn it now for years

But often, just below my smile, my throat is full of tears.



Are you convinced that others here are worthier than you?

They know the gospel, pay their tithes, and shine in Sunday School

Their kids don't fight, their house is clean, they never raise their voice.

You'd gladly trade your life for theirs, if you just had a choice.



Well, please remember, sisters dear, that life's not all it seems.

The lives that other women live are only in your dreams.

They worry, struggle, cry and pray, and never have enough

Of love from women like yourself, of gentle female stuff.



I need your love like you need mine: I need forgiveness too

For falling short of my ideals, and wishing I was you

So if you like me, tell me so, just tell me to my face

I need to hear that, oh so much: I need your warm embrace.



Do you like my dress, my hair, my smile, the lesson I just gave?

Well, tell me every Sunday, please; I'd love it if you rave.

You see, I'm not as smart or strong or good as you may think;

Life gets me down; you'd be surprised how low my moods can sink.



Well, who am I? I'm everyone - I'm every woman here

Who needs a friend, a confidante, a nonjudgmental ear,

Who wants to feel important and to know somebody cares,

Who needs to feel she's up to all the burdens that she bares.



So please don't be afraid of me; draw near to me instead,

Pour out your heart and soul to me and get inside my head

Let's be a whole fraternity of inter linking hearts.

That's how the Savior planned it, if we each just do our part.





by Claire Helmers

Never Doubt Your Heart

No one knows what's in your heart

It confuses even you

But no one made the perfect rule

The rules are made by two

When we think of ourselves as one

Even though we know we shouldn't

When it comes to love it can't be done

And if we tried we found we couldn't.

 

No matter what happens when we're in love

Our hearts have complete control

For minds have nothing to say about it

When our hearts are in love's thrall

We can not analyze or understand

The heart's determination

When time and time again we see

Our choices come under condemnation

Don't fret and find a way out

Don't think yourself unsure

Don't pull yourself away from love

My heart will not endure

So when you are uncertain

And fear threatens again your mind

Remember life moves on sometimes

But the hearts with Love will bind

 

Only so much pain endured

Only so much hurt is felt

But knowing you will make it right

Will make our two hearts melt

 

Swan/bg

Is it Real?

The sound of your voice
And the look of your face,
The thought of your touch
And a tender embrace


Long talks in the night
Shared laughter and dreams
Opens a wondrous
Life it would seem

 Everyday life lived
Every moment we shared
Nothing about me
Did I think of as spared?

 Awaiting the news
Of the day that would come.
Never wanting to doubt
For in me there is some.

 Portrayed as a man
So Strong and so wise
Believing in you
And in me hope lies.

Sounds of sincerity
Every time that we talk,
Love ringing through
Every moment and thought.

Time passes by
And days turn to years
Awaiting a love
That may turn to tears.

So Who are You Really?
What are your plans?
Leaving my heart
Complete in your hands.

You are so elusive,
How long can I wait
This love that I want
Left solely to fate.


bg

Just Me

I thought I knew myself
Strong willed and kind
I thought myself gentle
Full of purpose of mind


I thought I knew the person
That I am deep inside
Yet others see me differently
Seeing only what's outside


If underneath the surface
They look deeply past the shell
They would find a softer me
One that's wanting to be held


Strength is said a virtue
But my believe of strength,
It is hiding something else,
That should be studied at great length.


So when they find my inner self
With open eyes and see
They'll look at me so differently
They'll see the real me.


bg

A Safe Place

There once was a heart that was small and weak, And never could it find peace or love.
Over the years it grew weary and fearful,
Covering itself with a strong protective glove.


Inside the glove the heart felt safe,
Yet as time went by it needed more.
Building courage and fortitude over that time,
It grew stronger and wanted to sore.


But the glove around it had become a wall.
A wall that grew through the years.
It was built with pain and fear and shame.
And shed many and many a tear.


And then one day this heart realized
The thing it feared most,
Was the Loneliness and sadness
It had allowed itself to host.

There must be a way.
It must find out how,
To open the door
And let love in Now!


And there it was!
Another heart to unlock the door.
Joy and hope of happiness at last.
Could it be forever and more?

The wall began to crumble,
The heart began to breath.
The hope of love eternal.
Just a heart-beat to seize.

Yet it was not to happen,
And the pain returned once more.
Closing the door and raising the wall,
Never to enter, nevermore!

 Now the wall firmly stands,
And the heart has regained its place.
Never to open its self again
Or feel a warm embrace.


bg

Everlasting Friendships

There is never enough time to share
Or impart all the feelings
One gains throughout the years
Yet every now and then
We come across one we can share our tears.



Strong ties bind those who are looking
And those that are passing breifly here
And each day we grow in learning
Of freindships growing dear.



Not just one but many lives
Are touched by things we do
But not as much as those we love
Like how I feel about you.

Everlasting friendships grow
And as this saying states
Freindships last forever when
Our hearts are open gates.


bg

THE AWAKENING

Feeling free and alive

Moving forward in time

Opportunities abounding

It can all be mine

Learning new things

Accepting changes each day

Experience as much as I can

Let life lead where it may

Taking charge of my heart

Thinking clearly and right

Believe in myself

Giving with all of my might

Things happen for reasons

No one can predict these

With a Meaning and power

It Teaches the soul to be free

Letting go of the past

Keeping it in perspective

Not forgetting but letting

And being objective

Take what life gives

Make the most of each day

Keep hold of morals

And let come what may

Focused and determined

Feeling refreshed and in tuned

I will find what I need

Becoming renewed

 

bg

TRUTH

If you don't find it with your partner,


Your life together will fade away.


It must be true, It must be real


If not, your heart can't stay.



Honesty and respect are needed


And the open words be clear


If happiness is to be succeeded


Then forever with them is dear.



You can not base life on a lie


It will wrap your soul in sin


Filled with sadness through out your life


It haunts you, you can not win



Open your heart and say what is true


Have courage to be real


Confide your feelings openly


And your happiness is sealed.



Play no games and life is good


Those feelings will tend to show


And in ones heart when love is there


For each other it will surely grow



bg

Hold Me In Your Arms

Hold me in your arms


Wisper softly in my ear


Let my heart feel the sound


While my soul sheds a tear



Keep me in your warm embrace


Take away the cares and tears


Stay beside me while I rest


Comfort all my fears




I will hold you in my arms


Softly tell you, you are mine


Give you all you ever need


Share a life devine




Open up the path to you


Let hope and love come in


Be ever mindful of the love


That comes from deep within




My heart and soul I give to you


Nothing will be held back


Abundantly the love doth flow


There is nothing you will lack




Hold me in your loving arms


As I hold you in mine


Truer devotion could not be found


When a love like this will bind



bg

THIS IS LOVE

Crazy life and crazy days


Not knowing from one to the next


Thinking hard of the jumbled mess


Just trying to do my best.






Which way do I go?


Can my faith take the leap?


My feelings are real


For this Love I will Keep






So away with all doubt


He has captured my heart.


Something special there in


Was felt from the start.






So its not so crazy after all


Clearly I am totally in Love


Nothing is jumbled or a mess


This is everything I have dreamed of.



bg

His Son Shines in my Soul

I feel the Breeze as it Flows Gently by,

Warm and Comforting is the Sun I say.

The Softness of the Rain like Tears when We Cry,

Ever Lovely each Day as in May.

It Matters not, Dreary or Dim,

I Feel the Wonder as it Came Within.

God Brings Peace into my Soul,

And I find my Life Wonderfully Full.

I Decided to let Life be Lived,

Opening up to the Warmth it Brings.

Nothing can Derail my Joy in Life,

Entering Love with it's Resounding Ring.

So, It Matters not if it Rains or Pours.

It is Never an Issue You See,

Because God Abides Within Me Now

And His Son's Shine is Always with Me.

bg

Music of my Dreams

He beckons, So sweetly, he beckons
The sound so soft and alluring.
I search for whence the music calls.
Like the blossoms in Spring, it renews my soul.

In my dreams he comes to me.
Thoughts swelling like the cresting waves.
My heart seeks the warmth of Summer love.
Endearing melodies that enrich my soul.

He beckons, so sentuously, he beckons.
Ever elusive and mysteriously enchanting.
I search, I search for the one
Entwined in my heart, his music touches me.

Closer, closer, the melody sounds.
Yet softly fading as I approach.
The song has come to an end,
He beckonds no more, T'is all a dream.

bg